Juliet, an iconic figure in literature and one in my life. Always, bedraggled by others in my own relationship with my Juliet, but only we know the truth…same with Romeo, but that is another story. No one can tell us how to feel, how to respond and how to stumble through this thing called a mother/daughter relationship. We made it up along the way, with bumps, bruises and a few too many bagels from my loving grandmother. Who loved, controlled the scene play by play, but loved and raised me. Poor Juliet always criticized for doing the best job she could, being the best person she could and being the best friend/mother she could. No, we do not have the normal relationship…we never will, and that is ok, it is more than ok, it is what it is.
Juliet, has struggled health wise for sometime. I am at bay, at this point as not to tip her pressure to a boiling point as it is already there. I am helpless, but not hopeless. I cry, I curse, I wonder…and I cannot imagine a day without her, she is my friend…she is my mother, and all I can do is pray.
We never talked everyday, that was not us, but I miss her humor, her ability to talk on any subject and the beauty of her inner soul. She has been hurt, countless times, ways and by the wiles of men who have used her good looks and given false promises. She has suffered in love, but no more. Finding her soul mate was quite a road filled with many diversions but he stands strong for her today, taking care of her every need and desire.
No more will she suffer, and no more will I put off conversations like we are just the friends that we are…she is my mother, and I am not ready for anything else but countless more chats, laughs, and perhaps a shopping trip in the future. Juliet unlike the literary figure loves her bargains…and oh how it was fun to watch her find them, in fact quite hysterical. Took hours on end of searching, but finding and then of course searching again for the colors to somehow matchup between pants and sweater or blouse, it was always found, always on sale and always an adventure. Truly, while enjoyable and the life of the store, she is a pain in the ass to shop with but one that delighted all and even to my own frustration me…so adventures we took. But no more. Nothing has been the same. I would give anything to shop with her little ass again. Anything. Perhaps on-line will be our thing…I don’t know. I have to wait, banned from her kingdom for a time, and I understand as I could upset anyone at anytime, I guess…or perhaps it is not me, but the illness and her separation from all that she loves. All.
Juliet was always a beauty far separated from all the others in her land, and her frightful daughter got none of the lands wealth…sigh, but she was always so tiny, smaller than the other mothers…always picking at food, always pretending to eat when I knew in my heart it was not going in the direction that it should. In our jaunts in all the tiny shops and junior sections she would get stares, and so would I…the giant among both of us, or that was the thought on those that served her every whim with utter delight and sometimes outright jealousy. Always the model, always. What she saw in the mirror and what others did were different images, far removed from reality. Too tiny. And now, even smaller due to her illness. She now needs every pound to help her fight, and daily she counts her morsels to help her survive the beast within her. The one that is relentless and will not stop for a moment to let her enjoy her actual youth of mind, heart and yes, body. She has years left on this planet age wise, but her body is fighting, and on some days it wins and others it feels like a loss, but not the type that will exit stage left or right she battles on…
So battle on Juliet, and you faithful young maiden (who looks like Romeo) will continue to pray for a sign that all will become stable again, just stable…as nothing in this life is perfect, and if their are any two people who understand that…it would be us, oh, and please eat a gluten free bagle…it can’t hurt!